Thoughts on Being Adopted

This coming April 24th I will be celebrating my 30th birthday.  I can’t believe it’s happening, but it is… and with it, the new shine off this old pup will be gone.  Undeniable adulthood… oh the horror!

As I think about it, I can’t help but think about my natural mother and the fact that I am sure she’ll be thinking and wondering about me as the day draws nearer.  For those of you that don’t know, I was adopted at birth and have known about it since I was really young.  I have always been pretty open and candid about being adopted and my mom and dad have always been open with me in regards to it as well.  My mom even asks me once in a while if I have ever thought about attempting to try and meet my natural mother, and I always tell her that I will in time I am sure… but only when it feels right.


In the past few years I have done a little research into finding my natural mother and have a pretty good idea where she lives and the fact that she remarried and has at least a daughter… meaning I have a biological half sister out there.  I know that I could easily contact her, but I am afraid.  Not afraid of what it would do to me, but rather what it would do to her.  Giving up a child has to be one of the hardest things to do… breaking the natural tie that is established over nine months and releasing the child into the unknown… it’s terrifying.  Living with the constant knowledge that there is a part of you out there, but out of reach has to be so heartbreaking at times… especially around the time of their birthday.  If she moves on and build a family… does she get scared that someday the secret of the adoption will come to light and impact the family that she has nurtured?

I guess it all boils down to faith. Faith that the adopted parents will raise your child right. Faith that they will grow up and successfully come into their own.  Faith that they will exercise caution, care, and restraint if they choose to try and find you, so your life doesn’t get turned upside-down.  My natural mother had this faith when she gave me away for a chance at a better life, and for that I am eternally grateful.

To say that my mom and dad raised me right is like saying the Pope is Catholic… it is so true and right.  They have always surrounded me with love and even when times got tough, forgiveness and understanding still prevailed.  Though they were divorced when I was in my teens, I still had a tremendous childhood and life as a young adult.  I hope they never feel like they failed because of the divorce… because they didn’t.

So as I approach April, I will be thinking more and more.  Perhaps if you are reading this and remember April 24th 1978, you’ll say hello.  I’ll be happy you did.

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2 Responses to “Thoughts on Being Adopted”

  1. luna

    Cindy sent her birth mother a couple of letters… no response. Of course I want to protect her because she’s been my best friend for 17 years but still, I just can’t understand. And you know, I can’t. Something tells me that if you do choose to contact your birth mother, it won’t go that way.

    I am a little envious of your rural upbringing. You were very lucky in that.

    Glad you’re enjoying the sun! I would love to be in the sun, boring sun, every day. New England weather has to be the exact opposite – we’re lucky to get half a day of sun!

  2. Anne Thompson

    Dear Ryan,

    I just read your story about being adopted.

    In 1972 I had a daughter who I placed for adoption. It is a long story, of course, but it has a very happy ending. If you ever wish to talk to me about it, I would be delighted to do so. My heart goes out to you, and to your natural mother.

    Anne Thompson (MySpace friend)

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